...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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