Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
