why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
