You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
