Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
