Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
