one word: firstdatebathroomanal
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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