Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
