my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
We left an ass print on the piano.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
