i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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