Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Randomize
