new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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