Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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