His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
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