i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
