she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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