I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
