You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
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