Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
