he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
what day is it and did you see me today?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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