I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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