after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
