sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
