I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
