A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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