i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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