the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
