Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
