it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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