Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
