So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
