Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
