Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
