hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
sex in a hospital.. check
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
God, I missed his penis.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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