I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
