dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
