Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Dear god my vagina.
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