Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
