he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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