"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
