Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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