you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
