We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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