So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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