I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
