I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
