I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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