Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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