They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
