We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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