My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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