did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
