Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
