I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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